For over a dozen years, the best minds of mankind have fought over this question. And, by the way, they didn’t fight for anything 🙂
Noble robbers, secret agents, high-risk racers, pop and rock stars, just school hooligans – girls of different eras have gone and continue to go crazy over guys who have this elusive special charm.
Why do we like unreliable, narcissistic, troubled men who will almost certainly break our hearts? That’s what psychologists say about it.
They know how to charm
Scientists from the University of Durham in the USA explain: Men more often possess the qualities of a dark triad – this group of personality traits includes narcissism, psychopathy, and Machiavellianism.
Everything is clear with narcissism – a person is so in love with his beloved oneself that he simply does not have enough deep feelings for someone else. You probably also heard about psychopathy – such people have no idea what empathy is, they are antisocial and behave quite peculiarly, but they are endowed with incredible charm. Machiavellianism from the same series – these citizens are duplicitous, deceitful and brilliantly able to manipulate people.
So when it seems to us that the bad guys are irresistible, we don’t imagine. They really look awesome, they are insanely interesting and believe that they are knee-deep in the sea. You are literally bewitched by the charm of these insidious tempters. Remember the “Imperio” spell from “Harry Potter”? That’s something in this spirit that is happening to you.
The bad news does not end there. A healthy relationship with these charming bloodsuckers cannot be built. But the co-dependent ones are always welcome. And here just another secret of the attractiveness of the bad guys lies – most often the girl is predisposed to such a scenario.
Perhaps she lacked daddy’s love, or he was an aggressor in the family. The options are not so few. You feel that it looks like you – run to a psychologist, he will help to correct the settings and get rid of unhealthy passion.
Hormones are to blame
You can argue for a long time about Darwin’s theory and the origin of man, but we still have too much in common with the animal world. And we choose a partner not only at the behest of the heart (by the way, it has nothing to do with it). Unclear? We explain in detail.
The menstrual cycle consists of two phases, between which ovulation occurs. This is the fertile window when the risk (or chance – depends on the circumstances) of becoming pregnant is especially high. And during this very ovulation, hormones greatly ruin your picture of the world.
Roughly speaking, a fertile female looks after herself the most dominant male with strong genes, who will become the father of the offspring and the protector of the home. And the bad guys with their unbreakable self-confidence are exactly what they see. Not that some kind of positive Sasha or Vanya, who is caring for his beloved grandmother, washes dishes without reminders and diligently attends lectures. Well, which one is an alpha male?
Fortunately, ovulation lasts no more than two days. And when the hormones come back to normal, you think again adequately and understand that the dominant guy, maybe alpha, but the defender from him is actually so-so. At least, his image does not fit with the home hearth. Not that positive Sasha or Vanya, who cares for his beloved grandmother … 🙂
With them more fun
Not all girls dream of getting married as soon as the opportunity presents itself. Some people like to flirt, twist novels and just enjoy life. At the age of 18–20 this, in general, is quite natural.
Such quite consciously choose guys with whom it will be interesting and not threatening to marry. After all, it is clear that at some point such a Romeo will merge safely. Well, or you won’t be especially worried if you are the first to decide to change the situation.
But if you sleep and see how you will meet your beloved from work and feed homemade cakes, but you are drawn to the fatal guys who suddenly make their legs, figure it out for yourself. Psychologists, by the way, believe that we choose each, even the most inappropriate partner, ourselves – subconsciously, but for some specific purpose.
And if you regularly choose guys with whom a serious relationship does not work out, it may very well be that for some reason you yourself are not ready for a serious relationship. If you can’t find out the cause on your own, this is again an occasion to look at a consultation with a psychologist.
Good guys are not easy to find
Remember where we started? Men often get features from the dark triad. Of course, this does not mean that they are all narcissists and psychopaths, moreover, in each individual person, these qualities can be combined and manifested in different ways. That is, whatever one may say, but there is always a risk of running into, let’s say, not the noblest representative of the stronger sex.
In addition, we recall that they are perfectly encrypted. However, a charming classmate who rides so famously on a motorcycle can really be just a charming guy. But the very positive Sasha with a closer acquaintance may turn out to be that still frame. And he might look after his grandmother not out of the kindness of soul, but to look like a white and fluffy bunny and get an apartment as a legacy. Anything, you know, happens.
On the other hand, we are not airy fairies either, are we? We can release the claws. Most importantly, do not forget to turn on your head and soberly assess the situation. And yet, put the claws into action, if circumstances so require. Not in the literal sense, of course, we are against violence 🙂